For some reason, there seems to have been many more flies (gnat's, midge's) buzzing around than in recent years.
According to Squitts (next door flea-bag.. ho ho) it's a seasonal thing, and nothing to do with the blueberry muffin that's currently sitting (lurking provocatively) on one of the desks. And, Tarquin ('nuff said), well, he reckons it's to do with yours truly... 'effin cheek!!
...Anyway, I've just watched one feeble human 'attempt' at swatting said fly, and it was absolutely pathetic. They were swishing this way and that, in completely the wrong direction, ...employing a misaligned approach trajectory. A TOTAL AND COMPLETE FAILURE!
What any sensible animal knows - and this has been confirmed in a recent scientific study - is that flies have 360 degree horizontal vision, and nearly 360 degree vertical vision... i.e. they can see nearly EVERYWHERE around them!
Also, their brains are hard-wired into their nerve and muscle reflex system. As soon as they sense movement, or danger, it has been shown that the little ******'s start to move their body, and angle their legs in the opposite direction, and into a launch position, before any swatting action takes place.
EXAMPLE:
- Juicy fly located on Human A's head (facing away from Human B. Hate to think what the fly is doing).
- Human B observes said fly, and moves toward rear of Human A's head.
- Human B takes aim at fly with rolled-up large scientific journal/newspaper (Weapon).
- Fly's front and middle legs angle away from threat (Human B's rolled up journal/newspaper).
- Human B begins to take a swipe at fly. Fly is already in launch position - legs angled and knees bent away from threat (Human B's journal/newspaper) and launches (within 200 milliseconds) in a safe direction, and escapes...
- Human B's journal/newspaper hits the prime target spot on Human A's head... THWACK!!!!
- The wretched 'fly' wins.
- HUMAN B gets fired (if they are a subordinate) ...and a black eye for the trouble...
- HUMAN A gets a bruise on back of head, spilt coffee all over front, lap and new computer keyboard...
- Lastly, Tin-Tin (me!) gets total silence in the office for the rest of the day... YIPPEE... he, he... peace at last!
If you REALLY want to swat a fly, try to hit it in the direction you think it's going, NOT where it is!! The flies' reactions are 100 times quicker than yours!
...Or, bring in the SWAT Team... (that was a pathetic contribution from Tarquin... Sigh... see what I have to live with?)
Night, suckers...
Meanwhile, off camera: Tin-Tin shouting... Hey tarquin... SSssseeee... I told you that so-called joke would fall flat, you dumb-cluck!!
www.griffwason.com
