As I am no longer welcome to sleep on the UPS (see yesterday), my bed has been moved to the floor, in a draught, and next to the f****** server! Sure, if you're human and hence deaf as a post, a server just hums. But, speaking as a cat, with hearing roughly 10-15 times more sensitive, my hearing range is 45-64,000Hz, compared to 64-23,000Hz in humans - Yeah, don't look surprised... I did maths! So don't look at me like that! So, being stuck next to the server is like trying to sleep next to a badly tuned Harley Davidson with the mufflers removed… sheesh!
So what am I expected to do?
I went and lay on one of the those gorgeous 17" made to measure Apple Shiatsu beds laying open on one of the desks! All the lovely smooth independently sprung knobs massaging by back and sides…. Oh yes!! Yes… Oh YES! Mmm… …and all those mesmerising colours swirling and swaying just send me off…. heaven...
...WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW? I just got chucked off the Apple bed… Shite!
What! What have I done?
What is a self-respecting cat supposed to do now?
It's bad enough as it is trying to work 18 hours a day in here, without all the sound effects blasting in my ears from all directions. They know nothin' about me and my needs. My ears are the ultimate in feline engineering technology. In the same way as a sophisticated satellite dish rotates and adjusts in order to best position itself for receiving a signal, it's the same with my friggin' ears… most of which are not even perceptible by humans.
Are humans thick or what… "dogs (effing things) have fantastic hearing", Yeah right! Compared to a cat hearing, a dogs hearing is shite. People only have to whisper, and I can hear every friggin' thing, phone call, mobiles, next door, beep and hums, iPod ear plugs, I HEAR IT ALL YOU'S GUYS… so just turn it down… be a bit considerate!
It's all noise pollution. So stop being SO selfish, just 'cos you're not evolved enough to hear it!!!
BTW… It's brunch time. Well, where's my friggin' prawns?
…later ...much later!
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